i haven't blogged in almost a year! gah! i think i stopped because i was really struggling with my food and was super pissed off about it...i believed i had nothing to offer anyone so why blog? i felt like a fraud...
but i see it differently now. i'm not perfect and it's ok. just because every once in a while i house an entire pie doesn't mean i can't help other people or at least share my experience. being a fat head is a lonely place. whether you're 5 pounds overweight or 100 pounds...it fucking sucks. it helps to talk about it...it helps me feel like a human being when i can share the things that bring me shame and someone else says they understand.
i wanna talk about being a fat head....i'm not fat anymore but i still have fat head. it's never gonna go away. when i look in the mirror i see fat, fat, and more fat. i have no idea what i really look like. i'm surprised if someone says they think i'm thin. i'm surprised when someone looks at me and says "i think a small would fit you"....i'm like "WHAT?!?!?!" i don't walk around and grumble about being fat because i'm fishing for compliments...i really really struggle with it and believe i'm still a large human being......
there is hope though....when i'm eating well and only using food as fuel for my body, i actually start to see clearly. i can look in the mirror and see that i'm not some enormous fucking cow-type-creature. one of the greatest blessings of eating well is feeling good in my skin. all the sacrifice is worth it when i can experience that kind of peace.
happy eating in 2012! xo
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