my grandma always called it a BM

when i was a kid, i didn't know what a BM was. i was so confused when my grandmother asked "did you do a BM?" she was the only one that called it that. i thought it was some weird old lady thing. nowadays, i call it something else but we won't get into that.

why the hell am i talking about this? probably because i'm all stopped up and my belly is still enormous. and i think i figured out why.

it's the beans.

i've been eating a shit ton of beans lately (shit ton - haha)! beans on my salad, beans on my quinoa, hummus and carrots, beans with faux-meat, beans, beans, beans. i thought beans got things moving?? WTF?! i remember this happening to me last year. i started eating hummus because all the healthy eaters would ask me why i don't eat such an awesome food. "why do you always eat cheese, tina? what about BEANS?!" well the huge spare tire i'm carrying around is reminding me why i don't eat them. they are amazing slow burners so it's a bummer that they don't work for me. but i miss the BM thing. i like BMs.

here's my plan for today:

breakfast: 1 pc sprouted grain bread, 4oz egg whites, 2oz prunes (so i can poo), 2 tbsp half and half in my coffee

lunch: 2.5oz tuna, 2.5oz chicken, 1oz crackers, 1 tbsp mayo, 2 tbsp dressing, 1 tbsp dijon mustard, 12oz V8, 6oz salad, 1 cup mixed fresh fruit

dinner: pre-workout: 1/2 cup quinoa, 1/2 cup faux-meat
post-workout: 3oz egg whites, 1/4 cup oatmeal, 16oz butternut squash, 1oz almonds

happy eating...and poopin! xo

blown up like a F#$%ing BALLOON

so yeah, my hatred for water is exacerbated by the fact that i am a HUGE BALLOON today. my rings don't fit. my shoes are tight. and my belly is sticking out like there's a little babe in there - BUT THERE'S NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so if i don't drink water, life sucks and if i do drink water, life sucks.

drama.

ok so what do i do? stop eating salt. F that. stop drinking water? yes, that's what i'm gonna do. psych.

FML.

dehydrated much? asshole.

so i am a huge turd when it comes to drinking water. i HATE it. HATE. and you know what else i hate just as much? all the people out there that love, love, love drinking water. you can all go suck it. ok so i'm kidding....not really...ok moving on.

every time i go for a run outside, the following happens:

1. i run until i can't run anymore. sometimes that's 3 miles. sometimes it's 7. and sometimes it's 10. depends on the day.
2. i start to get a headache about 3 hours later and i ignore it
3. i go to bed with a headache and think i can sleep it off
4. i wake up in the middle of the night - like 2am - and my head is THROBBING
5. i take some generic ibuprofen or whatever
6. i go back to bed and lay there for an hour because the medicine isn't working
7. i get up and go to the nearest convenience store in my pajamas and no bra looking like a crack addict and i purchase extra-strength exedrin migraine
8. i try to swallow it in the car with no fluids and i choke while i'm driving
9. the headache goes away in 20 minutes and i can finally sleep by like 3:30am

i shit you not, this happens to me ALL THE FUCKING TIME. you'd think i'd learn a few things from all this experience. like purchase a drink when i go to wawa for drugs so i can swallow with ease. OR HAVE EXEDRIN IN THE BATHROOM CLOSET ASSWIPE!!!! OR even better - figure out what the hell is wrong and fix it.

i went online and discovered that i either have a brain hemmorage and i'm gonna die in 3 days OR i'm dehydrated. a runner's world blog told me that chugging a glass of water before and after a run is not sufficient. i need to STAY hydrated at all times.

so here i go. determined to fall in love with drinking water so i can stop this madness.

happy hydrating! xo

training for a triathalon and NOT starving to death

so i talked to a fabulous personal trainer and she gave me great tips for my food plan while i train for this triathalon. i'm so excited because i had this sneaking suspicion that i don't eat enough when i work out and i as it turns out, i was right! so i've added a few things (with permission and discussion with my sponsor) and i made some adjustments. i tried it out tonight for the first time and i feel great! i don't have this awful depleted feeling and i'm not obsessing about getting more food in me because i don't need it! all i did so far to start out is i added a grain at my dinner meal and a fat and i increased my protein at lunch and dinner by an ounce - so instead of 4oz, i get 5oz. tomorrow i'm gonna eat the following:

bfast: 4oz eggs (2), 1 pc sprouted grain bread, 2 tbsp half and half for coffee, 1 cup strawberries

lunch: 8oz salad, 8oz V8, 2oz black beans, 1/2 cup milk, 2oz tuna, 1/2 tbsp mayo, 1 tbsp half and half, 2 tbsp salad dressing, 1 banana, 8 low-fat triscuits

dinner: 5oz chicken, 1 cup quinoa, 16oz butternut squash (faux-french fries!), 1oz walnuts

if i wasn't training tomorrow, i'd only have 1/2 cup quinoa.

by the way, if you never had quinoa, you need to try it like right now. it's an AMAZING whole grain full of good stuff, even protein and it tastes fabulous. my mom and i cook it with chicken broth instead of water and it gives it some flavor.

happy eating! xo

new yummy discovery!

i like beans. who knew? i found this bean salad in a can - southwest bean salad - it's soooooo yummy on a salad. it's like corn and black beans and tomato and a yummy sauce...put it on a salad with a little ranch dressing OR fage greek yogurt. yay!

so i had a little spill last night after work. i was soooooo hungry from doing full-time at work and then went to work and i am training for this triathalon and it caught up with me last night. ew. i ate more than i needed but i know i needed some of the food. i'm planning to get some help from a professional who can help me with my food since i work out so much and i'm so active. can't wait.

happy eating! xo

foods that really mean something

i'm learning some lessons about my food choices. i follow this plan where as long as a food falls into a certain category, i can choose which one i want. for example...if we're talking protein, i can choose if i want it to be chicken, steak, cheese, milk, yogurt, fish, soynuts, legumes etc. if we're talking fruit, i can choose if i want it to be a banana, cantaloupe, all-fruit jelly, raisins, strawberries, kiwi, plums, etc. grains? i can pick rice, bread, potatoes, corn, snap peas, quinoa, oatmeal, crackers, etc.

get what i'm sayin? ok so this is what i'm learning....certain foods really stay with me and are very satisfying while others are not good choices because i get hungry really fast and i have trouble making it to my next meal.

proteins that last for tina: cheese, eggs
grains that last for tina: oatmeal, quinoa, ezekial bread
fruits that last for tina: cantaloupe, mango, berries
fats that last for tina: salad dressing, nuts
veggies that last for tina: squash, carrots

and here's my list of foods that are on my plan and are options for me but they do not help me feel satiated (full/satisfied)

proteins that suck for tina: yogurt, milk, fish
grains that suck for tina: potatoes, tortilla chips,
fruits that suck for tina: all-fruit spread, dried fruit, bananas
fats that suck for tina: half and half, sourcream, mayonnaise
veggies that suck for tina: V8 juice, mostly lettuce salads

find the foods that work for you and choose them most often. it will help you keep from getting too hungry and will help you prevent the "fuck its" when it comes to your food. you have lots to choose from, so make the best choices for YOU.

emotional hunger feels so REAL

it's amazing how some uncomfortable emotion automatically translates into "i'm hungry". i mean for real - my body actually FEELS hungry. but how do i know i'm not really hungry? first of all, i follow a food plan and eat the same things all the time AND my tummy never rumbles because i'm always satiated. as a compulsive eater, my hunger mechanism is all out of wack. i remember during my biggest binges in the past, it was like that thing in my brain that says "hey, you're full" totally stops working!!! but when i'm tryin to stay on the wagon and i'm really tired or stressed or sad or lonely or whatever....i feel HUNGRY! so today i'm grateful for my food plan that i follow. it keeps me in check and if i'm following it and staying hydrated, when the food calls me, i know it's not real. :)

p.s. sorry if i offended anyone with my last post...got a little carried away. :(

how about a little Q&A so i don't blow my brains out

i get BOMBARDED with questions about my food plan and simply because i'm only human, i want to claw out the eyeballs of everyone that asks me questions. don't get me wrong - i LOVE talking about my transformation - LOVE IT. BUT when i get questions about my food over and over again, it kinda makes me crazy. here are the most frequently asked questions...and their answers:

Q. why can't you just have a little bite of something sweet?
A. because i'm a food ADDICT. A.D.D.I.C.T. get out the dictionary or google it...once i start i CANNOT stop.

Q. why can't you have soy flour or wheat flour?
A. because flour is flour is flour and it's very triggering for me. if you don't understand what it means to be triggered, go fuck yourself. psych. actually, see the previous question and answer...also, you may not know this, but when flour mixes with saliva, IT TURNS INTO A SUGAR.

Q. will you ever have sweets again? what about your birthday? anniversary? vacations?
A. no and thanks for reminding me. go fuck yourself

Q. what is considered a fat?
A. cream in your coffee (2 tbsp), cream cheese (1 tbsp), butter (1 tsp), oil (1 tsp), avacado (1/8 of a whole one), all nuts except soy nuts (1 tbsp), salad dressing (2 tbsp), sour cream (1 tbsp)

Q. why doesn't the cheese in your blue cheese dressing count toward your protein?
A. i don't know, it just doesn't fuck face

Q. why is cheese a protein on your plan? isn't it a dairy? isn't it really fattening?
A. because, yes, and yes. i get half the amount of cheese as i do meat because of the fat. so i can have 4oz meat and 2oz cheese. and yes, cheese and milk are both good sources of protein. are they the best sources? of course not. but who cares. it's cheese and it's fucking delicious.

Q. why do you have to measure everything you eat? can't you just guess?
A. no, because i'm a food addict. food is my drug of choice. tell a coke addict to have one snort. tell an alcoholic to have 1 beer. and then go fuck yourself.