i know why britney shaved her head.

because she hated herself.

britney shaved her head because she fucking hated herself. she might not hate herself today but she absolutely did on the day she decided to go bald.

yesterday was dangerous. if i had a comb and some clippers by my nightstand last night, i'd be a hairless hairdresser today. but today is a completely different story. i actually like my hair today. i think it's pretty fly...

so what's with the schizophrenia?

there was a lot of self-loathing goin on yesterday. my self-induced hatred had everything to do with me eating an entire box of girl scout cookies the night before. fuck you caramel delights. you ruin my life. so anyway, i hated myself yesterday because i was a bloated fat cow of a person and when i looked in the mirror i wanted to cry. "change your hair tina. that will fix everything. shave your head and start over. bitch."

but yesterday my food was healthy and clean and i drank lots of water and so TODAY when i look in the mirror i like what i see. and an added bonus is i'm having a good hair day. i see a lesson in this. caring for myself and not abusing myself with food is an act of self-love. there's so much more goin on here than just wanting to be thin and hot. my insides dictate my outsides - it's not the other way around. protein and veggies goin in and voila! lovely feelings of self coming out.

what does your self-love look like?

happy eating!xo

whole grain? or a whole lot of bull shit?

it seems like the new craze is eating whole grain to help you lose weight but just because a product says it is whole grain doesn't mean it's actually a good choice.

i've picked up products that claim to have oh-so-many grams of whole grain but the first ingredient is whole grain wheat FLOUR and there are only 1-2 grams of fiber per serving. if a product is made from flour, that means it's highly processed and all the good stuff has been stripped out. and if it has less than 3 grams of fiber per serving then you can be absolutely certain that you are eating shit.

a little tip: when choosing your grains, look for products with lots of fiber (at least 3 grams per serving). don't fall into the "whole grain" trap. **you can lose weight by eating a white bagel OR 2 slices of whole grain bread with 6+ grams of fiber BUT the fiberful bread will last longer in your system and you will be able to hold out longer until your next meal.

happy eating! xo

getting out of muffin top denial

you're never gonna believe this...did you know that muffins are worse for you than doughnuts? YES. they are.

here's some WAWA stats:

a boston creme donut has 310 calories and 15 grams of fat.
a plain old lovely glazed cake donut has 450 calories and 24 grams of fat.

a blueberry muffin contains 610 mother fucking calories and 30 grams of fat.

chew on that.

to all the fat heads out there

i haven't blogged in almost a year! gah! i think i stopped because i was really struggling with my food and was super pissed off about it...i believed i had nothing to offer anyone so why blog? i felt like a fraud...

but i see it differently now. i'm not perfect and it's ok. just because every once in a while i house an entire pie doesn't mean i can't help other people or at least share my experience. being a fat head is a lonely place. whether you're 5 pounds overweight or 100 pounds...it fucking sucks. it helps to talk about it...it helps me feel like a human being when i can share the things that bring me shame and someone else says they understand.

i wanna talk about being a fat head....i'm not fat anymore but i still have fat head. it's never gonna go away. when i look in the mirror i see fat, fat, and more fat. i have no idea what i really look like. i'm surprised if someone says they think i'm thin. i'm surprised when someone looks at me and says "i think a small would fit you"....i'm like "WHAT?!?!?!" i don't walk around and grumble about being fat because i'm fishing for compliments...i really really struggle with it and believe i'm still a large human being......

there is hope though....when i'm eating well and only using food as fuel for my body, i actually start to see clearly. i can look in the mirror and see that i'm not some enormous fucking cow-type-creature. one of the greatest blessings of eating well is feeling good in my skin. all the sacrifice is worth it when i can experience that kind of peace.

happy eating in 2012! xo