how about a little Q&A so i don't blow my brains out

i get BOMBARDED with questions about my food plan and simply because i'm only human, i want to claw out the eyeballs of everyone that asks me questions. don't get me wrong - i LOVE talking about my transformation - LOVE IT. BUT when i get questions about my food over and over again, it kinda makes me crazy. here are the most frequently asked questions...and their answers:

Q. why can't you just have a little bite of something sweet?
A. because i'm a food ADDICT. A.D.D.I.C.T. get out the dictionary or google it...once i start i CANNOT stop.

Q. why can't you have soy flour or wheat flour?
A. because flour is flour is flour and it's very triggering for me. if you don't understand what it means to be triggered, go fuck yourself. psych. actually, see the previous question and answer...also, you may not know this, but when flour mixes with saliva, IT TURNS INTO A SUGAR.

Q. will you ever have sweets again? what about your birthday? anniversary? vacations?
A. no and thanks for reminding me. go fuck yourself

Q. what is considered a fat?
A. cream in your coffee (2 tbsp), cream cheese (1 tbsp), butter (1 tsp), oil (1 tsp), avacado (1/8 of a whole one), all nuts except soy nuts (1 tbsp), salad dressing (2 tbsp), sour cream (1 tbsp)

Q. why doesn't the cheese in your blue cheese dressing count toward your protein?
A. i don't know, it just doesn't fuck face

Q. why is cheese a protein on your plan? isn't it a dairy? isn't it really fattening?
A. because, yes, and yes. i get half the amount of cheese as i do meat because of the fat. so i can have 4oz meat and 2oz cheese. and yes, cheese and milk are both good sources of protein. are they the best sources? of course not. but who cares. it's cheese and it's fucking delicious.

Q. why do you have to measure everything you eat? can't you just guess?
A. no, because i'm a food addict. food is my drug of choice. tell a coke addict to have one snort. tell an alcoholic to have 1 beer. and then go fuck yourself.