my mom is in arizona, ryan is at work, i'm tired and alone and i can't stop thinking about housin a block of cheese. it's amazing to me how my hunger mechanism gets all screwy....like how does some negative emotion actually make me think i truly need more food??? i didn't work out yet today and i ate all my veggies and it's just not really physically possible that i'd need to eat anything else........but the cheese is calling me...it's creamy and salty and fatty and i fucking love it.
BUT it's just not an option for me tonight. maybe "normal" people out there can say "i had a long week, who cares - i can get back on the wagon tomorrow!" there is no such thing for a food addict. once the door is open to using food for emotional reasons, it's all over for me. food is simply fuel so i can live my life. that's how it has to be. i don't eat for fun, for feelings, for celebration, for loneliness....
my freedom from compulsive eating is sooooooo worth it. i'm gonna stick it out tonight because these feelings are temporary. ryan will be home in 2 hours and tomorrow is another day with a whole new food plan and a whole new set of feelings that i have to learn to live with and deal with WITHOUT stuffing my fucking face.
XO happy eating!
food is simply fuel...food is simply fuel...food is simply fuel for life! that's wonderful!!
ReplyDeleteI have REALLY been struggling with my eating habits lately. However, today I made brown rice with a load of fresh veggies in a tomato sauce and a bit of fish. Darn pleased with myself for that! :o)