i'm feeling a lot of stuff today i don't like. anxiety, powerlessness, self-loathing, fear of the unknown, fear of failure...and somehow that makes me feel so hungry i could eat a house. or a horse. a cow. moo.
so i've processed some of these feelings over the last 6 hours, talked about them with my friends and husband, cried and screamed, ate my vegetables, and drank some water and the urgency to stuff my face has passed. thank God.
there's always a reason to eat. always something that's uncomfortable in life and i have to learn to just walk through it...the alternative is a miserable miserable existence as an obese, insane person. i have the same illness that those 500 pound people on biggest loser have. i have what it takes to get there EASY. so it's really one day at a time of not turning to food to cope.
there is hope for me because tomorrow i could potentially wake up and feel amazing. these troubles will absolutely work themselves out and i didn't have to harm myself in the proccess. being abstinent and on the wagon means i can walk through my life that is full of the same awesome stuff and the same shit that everyone else has but i don't have to be fat while doing it. AND i have energy and i feel good about myself. i have confidence. i'm strong. my creative talent can flow. that's a good thing. it's totally worth it...i go to bed with a good feeling.
happy eating! xo
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