a million reasons to stuff my face

it's christmas time!
it's christmas eve!
it's christmas day!
it's christmas day leftovers.
it's new year's eve!
it's new year's day!
it's new year's day leftovers.
it's someone's birthday!
it's a wedding!
it's friday night!
it's saturday night!
it's a lousy, rainy monday.
it's a boring, slumpy wednesday.
it's a stressful day at work.
it's a lethargic lazy sunday.
i'm bored.
i'm tired and crabby.
i'm lonely.
i miss my husband.
i got in a fight with my husband.
i graduated!
i hate my job.
my boss is a dick.
i got a raise!
my car broke.
i'm broke.
it's a church potluck!
i'm breathing!
it's valentine's day!
it's easter!
it's the first memorial day picnic!
it's another summer picnic!
it's july 4th!
it's my birthday!
we're on vacation!
it's our anniversary!
it's labor day!
it's halloween!
it's halloween leftovers.
it's thanksgiving!
it's thanksgiving leftovers.
IT'S FUCKING CHRISTMAS TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so many excuses. so many "good" reasons. i find that almost every day i can come up with a reason to eat. God i wish i were normal. what would it be like if i were? if i just didn't care about food. the great obsession of every compulsive eater: to eat like normal people.

so what's that one good reason i don't?
when i'm in the food, it's all i got. i lose everything. my self-confidence. self-esteem. my sanity. my love of self. my love of others. my ability to be a blessing to others. my motivation and drive to really LIVE. my peace. ... my world shrinks and the only thing left is me and the food. such a lonely place. it's just not worth it today.

just for today, i'm not gonna eat. tomorrow is another day full of a whole new set of temptations and choices. but right at this moment, my resolve is high to be abstinent and just say no thank you.

happy eating! xo