big changes, man, big changes!!

so i had this awesome sponsor who made me work really hard for my recovery. i was doin the deal for real! well she just went out and ate...she's back in the food and so i'm sponsorless once again...sad sad sad. what was my first thought when she told me?

"well, screw this! i'm eating too!"

amazing isn't it? what's her eating got to do with my eating? NOTHING. but since i lost her three days ago, i've been really struggling. one of the things she had me do is give up artificial sweeteners and yesterday i decided to put splenda in my coffee and my oatmeal. i also decided i didn't have to go to my meetings AND i didn't have to talk to my 3 live people a day....

and you know what? it doesn't feel good. my coffee and oatmeal didn't taste any better and actually it tasted like shit, i feel lonely because i'm not talking to my people, and i am thinking about eating more than i have been for a few weeks now.

so today i'm getting back on the program wagon where it's safe. i didn't lose my abstinence but i am only hurting myself by not doing the things that work and are healthy for me.

i am drinking my morning coffee right now without sweetener and i actually like it better. what a miracle!!

today's food:

3 tbsp oatbran, 1 cup milk, 2oz egg whites, apple

1 cup mushroom and onion, 1 cup acorn squash, 2oz cheese, 1 pc bread

4oz turkey pepperoni, 16oz butternut squash, 2 tbsp mayo, 2 tbsp sugar-free ketchup, 1/2 cup quinoa

happy eating!! xo