i weigh and measure my food. if you know me, you know this. i do it because i have to. not because i'm some diet saint or because i like it. if i don't do it, my head spins and i start thinking about more more more. it sounds crazy but weighing and measuring my food is not a straight jacket for me. it is the key to my freedom.
i weigh 144.5 today. about 2 weeks ago, i was 139. you might think "that's normal! everybody's weight fluctuates!" but i'm hear to tell you, it's not normal for me. i consistently put these 5 pounds back on because i weigh and measure MY WAY. a heaping tablespoon is always in order in my house. eyeballing my food never works because i always eyeball BIG. not to mention the binges. i can seriously HOUSE some food. i can easily take in about 5,000 calories in one day without blinking an eye.
so. i got myself a sponsor again and i will call her to committ my food in 45 minutes. i am afraid. i am so used to doing this program MY WAY...when i want, how i want and i'm prepared to do whatever she says. it makes me sick with anxiety.
but i must do this because i am not free. do you know what it's like to taste freedom? freedom to really LIVE? to enjoy life? to be excited about the littlest things? praising God for the cool breeze? loving the most annoying people? having amazing patience and grace to give others? have you ever had that? i've tasted it and lost it. and i want it back.
i'm not making any big promises. all i'm saying is that in 45 minutes, i'm gonna call my new sponsor and committ my food. and i'm gonna stay in this day and only do what's right in front of my face.
happy eating! xo
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